and on into it.

this morning i did some 'homework' and i have to say this - it made me feel like an idiot. seriously. i understand the concepts but the terminology and layout is what is getting me. i won't lie, i'm bummed. but i will keep slogging along, it's only been one week of getting my feet wet in this thing so...we'll see. i do know i learn through doing much more than i do from reading and concepts so hopefully more practicing and writing will help.
i am trying not to sink into a hole but today i was hurtin'. and it just happens without warning - one minute all's well and then...not so much. i am pissed off at the weather and how it makes me feel. i hate not working. sure, i'm cutting grass and it's hard and it's physical and it's work, but it's not what i do. it's often what i do to forget what i really do. make sense? i am bummed that everyone else in our little crew is off working on other shows and i am not. it's my turn i guess to be unemployed in this biz. but there's a part of me that thinks it's all over. i'm not kidding. and not just for me, for others i know as well. there's a shift going on and sadly at 48 i may be part of it. (and i'd be lying if i said i've never i had fantasies about selling everything and moving to mexico or wherever. more often than i would care to admit.) and what to do next? i don't know. as i've said before, driving a bus looks better and better every day.
i think my flowers are done and if not they're not long for this place. the weather hasn't been awesome - like i need to tell you - and they're feeling it. i was out there today pruning, deadheading, trying to help but i think some are just done. the other side of my garden, the food stuffs, are all fine i think. they all seem happy and are growing and showing signs that they may produce but the color, the blooming plants and flowers, not so much.
more cars have been broken into in our underground parking, more and more seem to be getting hit. and, as i noted last week, more lockers are being broken into as well - mine was hit and all my hockey sticks were taken...now there's word of golf clubs and other things gone. and the increase in theft has gone up ever since the grocery store went in below us. shocker. more people in the underground. more theft. even though we have a second security gate to the resident parking, once they're in the underground, they just figure out a way into the second section. easy.
i think my time here will be over in a year or so...i was excited to move here but it may not be worth the heartache. this city's a sucker.
ok...think happy thoughts, i'm gonna try.

g. xo