what to do...what to do...

for reasons only i really know - although i really don't know the real reasons, i have mademany a bad decision in my life. that's the truth, but some were made because i actually thought i was doing the right thing. i knew early on i wanted to work in radio and spent years at the UBC radio station citr and then ten years at CBC plying my trade until certain little folks decided they had a better plan - one that included them getting ahead and the exclusion of me or ousting of me made that plan easier for them. truth, i'm glad i am no longer there as internet radio and satalite radio really is a joke and not to be taken seriously. and i have made more money working in film that i would have sticking around CBC to be sure. and to think of spending another year ahnging around loc dao or robert ouimet and a few others would have been death to me...andhoiw, that's not what this is about...it's about getting out of film, moving on from the 'crack' that is film work. marcy calls it that and she's right. i have lived a life for the last ten years or so that is not a real life...it's a living, i suppose, but it's not really much of a life. and now as it becomes more and more of a grind to get film work, and keep it consistant, i don't think i have it in me anymore. i just may not have it anymore. so...
i am curious now, what do i do now? get a job with the city holding a sign? garbageman? someone's got to be the garbageman right? not do bad all in all. regular hours, pension, holidays, etc...can't be that bad. or do i go back to school and get a trade? plumber? baker? electrician? maybe...could do. i'm not crazy about the options, that's also the truth but, i think the cool life may be over. time to turn into an adult and get ready for the rest of it. the retirement at 65 (ish), the moving to arizona, the real hate towards the young kids all around us/me. maybe i'll try bus driving...or take a trek to northern alberta and see what i can find there...and the other sad truth is, if i find work elsewhere, i'll take it. i have no bonds here now that would keep me from looking and possibly taking work in other provinces or towns...
and i know that if i do step away from film that my life, at least finacially, will change a great deal and that i will have to get used to that. less meals out, no more toys, probably get rid of the comet and motorcycle and less driving to get a burrito. i know all of this and i guess that's all part of it.
if anyone has an idea what i should do next, please let me know...

ok...that's it....

g. xo