i've forgotten part of the past...i think....

letely i have been having a hard time remembering certain things that have happened to me. i know they've happened, i knopw who i did them with but, when i try and actually picture the event in my head i can't, or it's very hard. i don't really want to say what the main events i can't visualize are-i don't want to insult anyone, and have them think it's because they're not important or sigficant but...i find it disconcerting...they're kinda every day kinda events as well, i should be able to summon them up easily. hhhmmmm....just age perhaps?
also, i have often sat and thought about friendships that have gone by the wayside. ones i tried to keep alive and others that just kinda melted away into nothing. maybe that's what was suppose to happen to those friendships, maybe they weren't that strong to begin with-some were very strong though. people i saw daily, people i traveled with, people i laughed and cried with. now, not so much. some i haven't seen in years, some i see a couple times a year, some i see and have the 'we should have dinner or coffee' chat with knowing it's never going to happen. some have kids now, wives, husbands, dates who don't need me around, etc...and that's cool...i have less time as well. recently i read an article in a magazine written by a guy who had decided to basically elimate certain people from his life, take them off the rolodex as it were and stop trying to make it all work because it had become too much work. i'm not against that. at first i thought it sounded harsh but as i think more about it, it's kinda the right thing to do. why pain yourself and make your life so hard just trying to keep up with people you don't really have anything in common with? doesn't mean you don't like them anymore and that you won't see and have social interaction with them but, stop trying so hard. and it does hurt, to be sure, but, in the end, it may be the most liberating thing you ever do. i ran into a couple of friends yesterday who i used to have quite a strong friendship with but i recent years i rarely see them. one has moved away but when she come to town doesn't call or look me up and at first i was kinda insulted and hurt by that but now am not. i still really like her but she's got her own deal as have i. the other owns a store downtown, not far from my house and we used to hang out and be good friends but now, not so much. she had a party to celebrate her store's 8th birthday and i wasn't invited-and that's ok as well...i hate parties and i didn't have to say no to the invitation-good for all involved. do i still think they're still my friend? yup. are we gonna all hang out like we did? nope. fine by me, but i was happy to see them yesterday, hug, talk and walk away. there are friends i never/hardly ever see that i will never erase from the mental rolodex but they are few but they are special. i think they know who they are and they know i love them.
ok. i need to finishi making dinner and then think more about this housing shit.

have fun.

g. xo