selling parts of my life...maybe

there may be a big sale coming down the pipe. i have had it with living in the shoebox i have called home for ten years and may have to get the hell outta here. i had yet another shitty annual general meeting here last night, one that i stormed out of because my fellow van horneites are fucking idiots and incredibly shortsighted. i have been here just short of ten years and the timne may be now to gte the hell out. there is a house, far from here in a part of town i'm not sure i really want to live in but it's not too bad. the house, a box of sorts, is better than a box apartment-i guess and could be ok. the price is right, and, with a few bux thrown at it could be a place i could call my own and not be too pissed-off about. or less pissed-off compared to living here. but some things may have to be sold to make it all doable...like larry and my motorcycle. do i really need that car? that bike? anymore. as my life moves along-hopefully quicker and quicker, those things mean jack shit really. there was a day when i had a cool life, i think, but that's far behind me now and i'm just a 42 year old guy now with not a lot to look forward to except working and eating and figuring out waysd to keep afloat in a business that's eating its young at a rapid rate. that said-who needs a cool old car? or bike? if it means those things can help me get debt free, at least for a little while. my honda element is pretty fuckin' cool...right? i know that we are not our possessions but it's hartd to give up the things we have worked so hard to get. the reasons i have gone to work at all. to watch those things drive away after all the hard work, blood (literally) and sweat...and for what? a better place to live? or just a different place to live? i dunno...i have made so many mistakes in my life in regards to finances that i am now doomed to working until i drop that i can't see the point in selling those things to help make a dent in the new place...or can i? i'm an idiot. i know this. i could have paid off this current place years ago if i wasn't such a chickenshit. but working in film will do that to ya. i just wanna make it to the end somehow, without too much grief-i've had enough of that. which i guess makes me think, as i think the other way about the car and bike...i'm gonna sell them one day, why not now? free myself of them. like the cd's i got rid of recently. i don't miss them at all. i'm sure in a few months of selling the car and bike i wouldn't even care. maybe. i'm rambling. i'm pissed off and depressed so myabe now isn't the time to be thinking this through.
i need a beverage.

more later.

or not.

g. xo