office bitch like no other

one hell of a good secretary.



i'm an office bitch or secretary, if you wish. that's what i am. what i've become. i tend to others needs and whims. i order stuff, keep a record of stuff ordered, keep excel sheets, order more stuff, keep the office kinda clean, make sure shit gets delivered-then i go home.

it's awesome. i really don't mind my job so much. i work with good guys, usually, and get it all done and get paid ok-not great when you consider the hours, but it's fine in that regard. what i hate is the condescension. the fact that most everyone, but not everyone, thinks this is all i can do. and i know this is a common problem in the world, pigeon-holing people into one specific area and never letting them out. i have that problem. and i'm not sure how much more i can take of it. working in film is probably the worst job in the world for people treating each other like shit and then just carrying on like nothing happened.

increasingly, i am becoming more and more of an asshole, and not because i want to be one. i am short with people when they have done nothing-today i was snappy to corie, a guy i love like a brother, and i feel very badly about it. i do. i care about how people feel but i am often not treated with the kind of repect i give out. and i'm taking that to heart and giving it back the way it's given to me. fuck it. why should i give a shit? i don't anymore. and i feel myself giving less and less every day. but what am i gonna do? really. i have worked myself into a corner and there's really no way out-or none that i can see. go back to school? nope. and what for? to be a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, a lawyer? huh? nope....i have thought about going to work for the city. hold a sign as people drive by. stand near manholes and look down at the guys fixing the sewer mains. sounds ok sometimes.

i'm ranting today as i have had a shiteater. things were going great guns until around 1:30 pm...oh well...

good times.

g. xo

***edit***

just to put a lid on this thig... i'm felling a little better now but...it comes down to ending up somewhere you never thought'd you'd be...ever. i was a reasonably smart guy in school and felt i was destined for something...i've talked about this before. and i ended up here. sure, i have a lot of responability, work very closely with others and the big boss and if i fuck up i can set off a chain of events that can really fuck a day here. yet, i sometimes, often, feel like the lowest man on the pole and feel regarded as such...oh well, i guess.