i'm an idiot. we all know that. i do and say things usually reserved for complete idiots. i think deep down i mean well though and, maybe, in the end, that's all that matters. 'nuff said, i'm having a shitty day that seems to have no end and i just wanted to say that out loud.
i kinda fucked up today at work by basically spelling something incorrectly but am now eating shit over it...and i guess i deserve it but in this business simply saying sorry and admitting you fucked up isn't enough. i hate my job. i hate the film business.
today is baseball night at the park off off prior street and tonight, if there is the usual turnout i think i'm going to give it a pass from now on...i love the guys i play with and the queen comes along as well but...seven people does not a baseball game make. i hate to say it but i may have to throw in the towel. i've worked hard to try and get others tio come out but...fuck it.
i need to fire sale some toys as i just have too many now. it looks like a retarded kids bedroom in my livingroom now...it's so stupid. i should have never ever bought one in the first place..i'm serious..as much as i love them, i hate them. art? sure they are but holy crap..know when to say when.
there are others things in play as well, things i have no control over and never will so i can't even list them here...i try not to give a shit and keep my distance but it's hard. thank god i do have a job to go to each day or i would drive myself crazy. and others. why does it all have to be such a fucking test? oh well, it has to be something i suppose. show to show, paycheque to paycheque...it's a living, but it isn't a life.
i just wanna cut grass.
g. xo
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