call me a bad friend. i'll take that. i will. i want to publicly apoplogize to a whole whack of people at once...because, i'm not as good as i once was at keeping my personal relationships going with peole i love-hell, even with the ones i like a great deal. i forget to call people back because i get all wrapped up in this shitty job, i forget birthdays-i forgot issy's birthday two years in a row because i was working so fuckin' much (sorry issy....), i miss things i am suppose to go to, i stay at home and sit on the couch because i'm just too fuckin' tired. and often, i'm too tired to even talk to people as that's what i do all day at my job.
i have become a bit of a social misfit and can no longer stand to be in the company of more than a few people at a time. social functions make me crazy having to perform and pretend i'm happy to be there when clearly i am not. i get pegged as unsocialable and grumpy, when all i want to do sit with one person and have a converstion and then go home. i have less time for bullshit. i will not sit idley by anymore and listen to people ramble on and on about shit i care nothing about when i could be doing something i want to do. i am not unfriendly i just have become a little less concerned with 'party' fun. it's just not my deal anymore...i wish i knew when the fun switch for me got turned off, but i don't.
i am thinking of moving to a different place just to escape this city and what it's become and how i think it's making me. i am less compassionate, less caring and less social. i hate the shit that goes on here. the city doesn't give a shit about the city-weird but true, people are becoming insular and distant, driver's are worse and worse and don't care when you comfront them. it's a small city that thinks it's a big city. people are fuckin' rude.
but this isn't really about me and people, really, or maybe it is. i just want to say sorry for being, maybe, a bad friend. i try, i really do. i want to make things better but i let things go. i work at a job that sucks my life away but i have become a slave to the paycheque. not that it's that good but it pays my bills, etc...and really, what the hell else am i going to do? i don't really have a many saleable skills...ok, i can make an excel sheet...nice. and i know how to make phone calls. just not enough phone calls to my friends.
i'm tired. i really am.
i just wanted to say sorry. i'll try and be better. i will.
g. xo
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1 comment:
you're a good guy g....jox
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