like when i was doing porno

***this post may not be for the weak of heart...or for moms***
(i mean, i think it's funny but...)

as some of you may know, i am moving back to kits and part of that process is finding a tenant for my place in gastown. i have been letting people know and seeing what happens next.
here's part of 'what happened next'.
my chiropractor mentioned, after hearing it from me, to one of his patients that i had a place for rent after hearing she was looking for a new place. he gave me a call and asked if he should pass on my contact info and i said yes. shortly after i received a phone call from a woman and after a short chit chat, which included her asking me my sign, etc. we set it up that she'd come by thursday evening and have a look at my place. cool.
i came home from work last night and as i was making dinner she called and said that she had just left her yoga class and that she'd be right over. i should mention that she is originally from the philippines and had a very strong accent that made certain things hard to understand but it was all good. so she was on her way over. from yoga ok. good. i kept cooking my spaghetti.
when she arrived at my front door, in her yoga gear, i almost felt like a joke was being played on me. in a good way, but a joke none the less. there, at my front door, stood a 5 foot nothing woman dressed in yoga gear, as an outfit, wearing bunnie fur boots and carrying an umbrella. and her yoga top could have been a size or two too small...maybe. she introduced herself and came in and immediately took off her yoga jacket, such as it was, and made it clear that her top was, indeed, a little small. she was clearly pretty free-wheelin'.
we chatted about our love for our mutual chiroprator, how he had helped us and...then she kinda started telling me her life story in a very casual way. (all in this thick accent...)
"well, when i was dancing...."
"oh, you were a dancer?"
"yes"
"um...what kind of dance did you do?"
"i was a stripper"
"oh. cool. i used to dj in strip bars. when i was younger, years and years ago."
"oh, maybe that's where i know you from"
"i doubt it. but maybe."
she went on to tell me about the restraining order she has against her former boyfriend - a guy i may know because he works in the same business as me. how he was connected to the hell's angels,her dancing days, and going back to work at the five orange, etc. all very informative.
good times.
and then she said...as i sat in my chair eating my dinner...
"and like when i was doing porno...."
"oh...you did some porno?"
"oh sure. from maybe 1993- 1995...or so..."
"hhmmm..."
she then went on to tell me about who she had worked with, the local companies she had done work with, the size of some guy's wiener...i don't know why but she did...and how he 'did it'... something i can not say here as it would clearly offend most of you as it made me almost bring my spaghetti out my nose.
anyhow...
"did you have a good porn star name?" i had to ask.
"they called me XXXX"
"oh. cool."
then she started telling me about her new little chihuahuas and how she wasn't suppose to have them where she was and...
"you know this place is not for me...it's nice but.."
"that's cool."
and with that she called a cab, put her coat on and, after a hug, was gone.
i sat back down, finished my meal, put my hockey gear in my bag and went to the rink.

one of these days i have to write a book.

g. xo