coming clean.

so many things i want to tell you...(beware a rambling post by a guy on the edge coming...)

sometimes you try and do the right thing and it all goes in the shitter...and so it was tonight at bomber hockey...i won't go into the details but, suffice to say, lines got crossed, things were said, and in the end, i couldn't do much right but, that's kinda been the theme of my month thus far - not on purpose but, it's the game the world's playing on me right now...

i'm moving into a place i have now nicknamed "the mistake", and while i'd like to be excited, i'm not. the paperwork and bank shit and notary and...it's a fuck i'll tell you. i hope to never buy another place in my lifetime. truth. i just need to get in there and start living there and try and forget the past few months of shit. and after the dust settles, after this current show is over, there's talk of a long break until our next show. nothing like getting a big new mortgage and no way to pay it...the good times, they keep on comin'.

speaking of shit...heartache is at an all-time high...not that you care. it's a bitch out there...oh, that's a bad word to use, because i don't mean it that way at all...but i think there's a good chance i'll be watching a lot of tv and blue-rays by myself over the next year or so in my new place...which ya know, may be for the better...ask anyone who's dated me...it's really not worth all the trouble...

and in the last month i've also managed to alienate one of my favorite people in the world...i'm hoping he'll come around the new place and fall asleep on my couch like he used to do...i miss him.

i'm also trying to warm-up to the idea that two good friends, and maybe two others, will be going away for some time to work on films. while i am very happy for them (and a little jealous) and i do consider myself a loner to a certain degree, i will miss them and miss dinners and just having them around...

time. i need time. we all do. i know my elbow sure could use some as i can't bend it or move it any way right now...something going on there...

i'm not a fan of my life right now. but, so be it. what can you, or in this case, i do...? short of sticking a gun in my mouth, there's not much to do.

have a great monday.

g. xo