super chump

i have decided that i am a super chump. now, don't get all bent out of shape because i've just said that, i'm just pointing it out. but i have decided recently that i'm going to change that. i am going to get walked over less, taken advantage of less and make myself less available to that sort of thing. i know that i give freely and want to give as much as i can but maybe i have given too much and need to take back a little in order to gain back some of myself. make myself more important to myself. i don't do that enough.
it's funny, i have done things in the last while that now baffle me. i can't believe i did them, said things i wish i could now take back...but those things are out there now and i can live with that, no big deal. i have no regrets but i do wish i was smarter. and i'm not even talking about things said in the way of love, but there are some of those as well but that's to be expected.
i have heard things lately that cause me some concern-not a lot but some, things that have been said about me by others, people that really are of no concern to me, not my friends per sa, but people i thought were bigger than engaging in idle gossip, especially about things they have no idea about. but as i said, they have no real place in my life so it's not really a concern of mine, just something that's interesting. another thing to make me want to be less giving to everyone and take more care of myself. the gossip wagon always makes its way around town and has stopped at my place from time to time. i listen to it but i don't let it get to me.
watched 'bend it like beckham' tonight with my old pal jessica tonight...i had never seen it and may not want to remember that i did. i guess it wasn't that bad but not one to write home about. and topanga for a fifth night this week...i am patheic in that regard...maybe it was only four night...let's see i went there with the queen twice, corie once, jessica once and erin once...yup five times...all that and not one of them was a date...oh well...i like the topanga.
i may have a coffee date sunday but that has yet to be determined...only time will teell me the answer to that one...

ok...bed time...

garn xoxo