sometimes a little knowledge...

a little knowledge can be a really dangerous thing. i find that the more i know, the more information i get about certain subjects the more i want to stay home and tune in the weather channel. i need to get a better handle on my obsessive nature. i've always been this way. i would, when i did such things, ever have one cigarette and be happy with that. have a little cocaine, this kills my mother but she should be happy in the fact i came out the other side of that as well and am now a clean and sober kinda guy many thanks to her. i don't clean one part of my house, i clean the whole fuckin' place stem to stern given the chance. i drive miles upon miles to get places in my car on roadtrips. i have driven over 1800 kms in one day just to make it somewhere. somewhere i didn't actually have to be right away...it was just that way i worked and still do work. i do things that i don't want to do, over and over again. i want to be a better person. i want to be in love again. i want to make people happy. it's like a goal. i was sent a great article today about how what you do for others defines you and why you do it for others. what's wrong with your life defines how and why you do things for others. apparently, according to this article, the reason people like me, people who maybe give too much, are the way we are is because we feel our needs are secondary. that we're not as important as the others we are helping, that they are more important. which they are. it's the way it is. i'm glad i was sent the article.
i'm not sure i know what to do with it but i'm glad i got it. my road is a long one and one that i have been one for a long time and i am pretty set in my ways, for better or worse. i was put here to help and take care of others. that's the way it is. feel free to take advantage.

g. xo