i am really kind of a pathetic guy...before you go getting all out of sorts for me saying that let me explain. maybe pathetic isn't the best word to describe me, but it's not terrible sometimes. i am a big softie who sometimes has a hard time seeing past emotional things and just seeing whatever it is for what ever it is, really. i have great heartache at time, right now would be one of those times, but, that said, i will come out of this and be fine. and maybe what i'm all fucked up over will, one day, come back to me and be a better thing. it has happened before for people i have know in similar circumstances. but then again, maybe not. maybe it will never return but be replaced by something completely different but with all the same players all accepting different roles in the play that is my life..could be... i know this is all very confusing, even for me. suffice to say this, the love i have lost is maybe going to take on an entirely different form one day..or perhaps the same one but at a different time and place. so fuckin' hippy! all i need right now are some bootleg recordings of some rad live jerry garcia guitar solos.
this report really has made no sense but i will say this. love is great and love is really shitty...but i welcome both, kind of, because they make me know i'm alive and as much as i have said i wish it would all end and then i could be at peace finally...i do kinda like it, sometimes, but it's really fuckin' hard. and painful. but that's just the way it is.
good times.
g. xo
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