fucked....

i e.mailed my pal juliette tonight, as she's a realtor, and asked her a few questions about a place i'm kinda interested in....and she, in return, sent me an e.mail that brought reality crashing home...i'm fucked. i know it's a knee jerk reaction but...i'm pretty sure i can't afford a new place now, or maybe ever in this city. i think i'm doomed to live out my life, at least in this city, in this shitty little box i live in now...i'm so close to crying....i'm not kidding. it's gotten to the point here, here being the downtown east side, that if i don't move outta here, i'm gonna lose my marbles. my mental health is suffering and it's only going to get worse.
on top of the cost of the new place, which could be in the 500K range - which is already insane (fucking insane...i must be really thick to think this is a good idea to begin with...), there's the property transfer tax - a bullshit tax grab by the government - nice....which could be in the area of 8K, and then the gst - another bullshit tax, that could be over 25K...holy fuck...i drive by this building i have been looking at several times a week, and look at it thinking and dreaming of living there, getting out of the shithole that is my neighbourhood....i don't think that's gonna happen now...i'm gonna stop driving past there anymore...
i'm sad....really sad....(and please don't get me wrong...i understand this is a lot of bullshit and that some have no place to live, or will never own their own place and there are bigger, more important problems in the world..i get that...but i have worked hard to get ahead and now, it just all seems like a huge waste of time....)

this is all so wicked cool.

g. xo