i once knew a man that sailed around the world twice.

we've all got our deal. our set of things that makes us who we are. by what we do, what we say, and sometimes by what we think - but others can't see that so it doesn't make much difference...unless some of that comes spewing out and is poorly received. um..right. and in a way we're all in this together. sort of. sure, we drift here and there, fall to the side of the road, take naps, fall out of touch and such, but the ones we're meant to be close to , we'll always be close to. and our metal gets tested time and time again - mine a lot lately, and we seem to come through it...mostly. it's been a tough month and it's not over yet. but fuck it, it will be over and new month will come and we'll be there, standing, and making shit happen. i'm as bad as the next one of you in that i've taken the easy way out more times than i care to admit here but all in all, i have toughed it out. and will continue to tough it out. that's why right now i'm a little pissed-off at certain people. some are taking the easy way, giving breaks, taking advantage and, in a way, fucking over those who are working very hard to get it right. but then i think, ok, fine, so be it - it'll fly now but maybe, just maybe, the breaks will come my/our way in a much more honest way.
it's been a month of hardship for some around me and i just want to say right here and now, how much i care for those of you who are having a hard time. i am hardly the one to make sappy statements about the sun coming up tomorrow and that it'll all be better, because sometimes i have a hard time believing all that jazz but i know it can always be worse. this morning on the way to work at main and hastings the truly poor and sad crossed in front of my car as i made my way along and - without sounding too much like a stinky hippy that has turned to god - there but for the grace of god go i....it's true. still, i know, it's hard, looking ahead to better things, better days, brighter mornings and smiles all around - but it will happen. yesterday shauna and i were in a hallway and we started bumping into each other on purpose and messing around and all of a sudden i had a huge grin on my face and it all seemed fun. fun. a word i don't use a lot. but it was. and her smile made it that much better. and we were somewhere, where maybe, smiles weren't exactly what you'd expect to find there. but we did. so i know it can be found.
where the hell is this going?....i don't know. maybe i'm preparing myself for another 4 months on watchmen or the long rainy season here on the wet coast. whatever the case, it's good. all of it. not always, but it can be and the work part of the equation is that sometimes we have to try a little harder to find it...i know it sounds flakey, especially coming from me. trust me. some people do.
i'm rambling. because i love you. you know who you are. and soon you're gonna be sitting on my couch, eating food and telling me not to take your picture - but i will anyways.

g. xo