once you know...

i know a few things. i have been told this. i know things i don't want to know, i know things that kill my heart with every thought a them, i know things that are great and amazing and wonderful, i know a lot of shit, man. i know that i have one, if not the best, mother in the world. i know i have a father who, while we've been at odds from time to time, loves me and even though he doesn't always get me, gets me. i know i have great friends who put up with me over and over-this amazes me to no end. i know i do a great job at my work, even though i drive some of the people i work with insane, and them, me. i know there are things that are kept from me, have been kept from me, will be kept from me. and that's ok. i know more of these things than i let on that i know and that's probably better in the end as well.
i know i'm a pretty good friend. i know. i know i can be a tough guy to love or even like. i know that. but i also know that i do everything with the best of intentions and never to hurt anyone. sure, i've been mad at people, upset and formulated plans to get back at them, hatched shitty plans to get my way and let it be known i am not one to be fucked with...but, ultimately, i never put any of these into motion. what's the point i usually say to myself...and i'm happy i have left well enough alone.
i know there are people out there who love me and people i love very much as well. i know. i know a few things. i have a head full things i'd love to forget. and so many others things i'd love to know, but maybe never will. and that's ok too.
i know i am capable of a love so deep it kills me, but makes me feel so alive at the same time. i love that. i hate that.
i'm not sure why i'm saying any of this except to say this...and i have said this before...one day i won't be able to tell any of you this stuff anymore...tell you i love you, that i value our friendships, our time together-even though for the most part i think the world is a big bowl of festering shit, you kids make it all worthwhile...even those of you who drive me crazy..maybe i love you the most. probably.
i know a few things. maybe more than i should. and that's ok. a burrito'll make that all go away.

g. xo