careful what you wish for....

you just may get it. i think i may have. although i never really wished for it really. i just had ideas of what was and is good for me and really, others around me. i can be a dick, not on purpose, and a bit of an asshole, again, not on purpose, and maybe i have made my own bed. i like being by myself, and don't mind it so much but i do like the people i have in my life. but i can only take so much at any given time. i have made it clear, i suppose, that i can not do certain things. i can not have dinner with more than 6 people, it drives me crazy. i can not shmooze anymore. it makes no sense. wrap parties are out, out, out. i don't wanna go to earls, cactus club, sammy j. peppers or alike. so in the end, i don't get invited to dinners. i don't get invited to parties. i don't get invited to people's homes for dinner. and i don't think it's because people hate me, they just figure i won't accept the invitation. don't take this the wrong way, it just is how it is. i have made it happen i think. my fault.
i have a great deal of friends i care about a great deal. most of whom i never see due to work schedules, people's love lives get in the way, kids and other such things. that and, when i get a little time off work, i hit the road by myself and drive aimlessly around in search of stuff...burritos, toys, books, and open nothingness. there are people i miss because of this and now have no idea how to rekindle that original friendship. maybe it doesn't matter or need to exist anymore.
so what am i saying? nothing. really. nothing.
i guess maybe i would mind being invited to things sometmes. maybe i'd come. go to a dinner thingy. maybe not. maybe disregard everything i've just written. i love you all. i just want to point out that i am not perfect. i am old, fat, grumpy, jaded, bitter and a whole host of other lovely things. i am also, giving, loving, caring, helpful, a good driver, handy, and in certain cases the best pal you could ever have. so be it.
have a great sunday. i may go make some shelves for the topanga cafe. they need them. and i know how to make them.
either that or i'll stay home and watch some dvd's and eat tomato pie.

good times.

g. xo